Fix You
by thisiswhereIkeepmyfics
Summary: When Bernie hears Alex has been seriously injured in Afghanistan she knows she has to be the one to treat the woman she loves. Mainly Bernie/Alex but other characters will feature.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first attempt at a Holby fic, it's slightly AU in that Alex never came back to Holby as a locum anaesthetist, she's been in Afghanistan ever since Bernie came home. I'd love to hear what you think to the idea.

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"You've reached Alex Dawson, I'm sorry I can't take your call right now but…" It was the fifth time Bernie had listened to the recorded message in the last hour but this time she decided to leave a message.

"Alex, it's me, Bernie. I erm, I guess I just wanted to see how you were, I, I never got a chance to thank you for saving my life, but you're probably busy, and I doubt you'd be tripping over yourself to speak to me even if you weren't busy, so erm, yeah, thank you for what you did for me, I, I'd love to hear from you if you ever get a spare few minutes. Look after yourself Alex" Bernie ended the call and dropped her phone into the pocket of her scrubs, taking a moment to compose herself before heading out onto the ward.

She'd just finished her ward round when she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, and her heart stopped, it couldn't be could it? Alex couldn't be calling her back. Her heart sank as she saw an unknown number flashing on the screen, she'd been stupid to get her hopes up, "Bernie Wolfe" she answered the call, making her way out into the stairwell for a small amount of privacy. She felt her stomach twist, a lump forming in her throat as she was told that 24 hours ago Alex had been injured by another IED and she'd had Bernie listed as her next of kin. She listened silently as she was told about the 'incident' how another soldier had stepped on the IED and been killed instantly but the resulting blast had thrown Alex into the air, knocking her unconscious, a state she'd yet to come out of. Bernie felt her heart racing in her chest as she was informed of all Alex's injuries, how they couldn't be sure of the damage to her internal organs until they opened her up but the medic in charge of her care wanted to wait to see if she 'stabilised' before operating.

"Is she stable enough to be flown home?" The words slipped from Bernie's mouth before she had chance to even think about them.

"What are you thinking?" the commanding officer asked Bernie even though he had a pretty good idea of her intentions.

"I'm thinking that I'm probably her best chance at survival so you either need to stabilise her enough to fly her back to England or you need to keep her alive for as long as it takes me to fly out to Afghanistan."

"I couldn't possibly…"

"Look" Bernie interrupted, "you and I both know that I've saved men others would have written off, I'm not sure what the medics are thinking if they don't even know what they're dealing with so what's it going to be? Can you get her back to Holby or do I need to start looking at flights to Kabul?"

Bernie wasn't even sure how she managed it, but less than 3 days later she was stood outside the hospital, arms folded against her chest in a desperate attempt to hide how nervous she was as she waited with Ric and Guy for Alex to arrive, neither of the men able to believe that Bernie had managed to convince Hanssen and the right people in the army that Alex should be flown to Holby for Bernie to treat her. They'd had several phone calls about Alex's condition and all three of the waiting medics were surprised that Alex had managed to survive the flight from Afghanistan. The army medics had been vague about her injuries, so they were planning on assessing her as soon as she arrived, if deemed fit, she'd be sent straight for a CT scan to give them at least some indication of her what they were dealing with, otherwise there was a bed in ITU waiting for the soldier and they'd do their best to stabilise her before beginning her treatment.

Both Guy and Ric had expressed concerns about Bernie treating the woman she was obviously so fond of but she'd been insistent and Hanssen had agreed, Bernie was the best trauma surgeon the hospital had, she was Alex's best, possibly Alex's only chance at survival.

"They're here." Bernie had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed the army ambulance until Ric had pointed it out. She vaguely wished she'd had a cigarette to calm her nerves as she stepped into the ambulance to examine Alex, it was her call as to whether she went to CT or straight to ITU.

"Oh Alex" Bernie whispered as she took in the other woman laid before her, intubated and covered in a mass of tubes and wires, "what happened to keeping yourself safe?" she asked before turning to the army medic who gave her as much information as he could about Alex's current state, including the fact she'd lost output twice on the flight and again on the way to the hospital.

"Well?" Ric asked once Bernie had examined Alex for herself.

"Lets get her to CT" Bernie decided, "I don't think we're going to gain anything by taking her to ITU first."

"I'll let them know we're on our way" Guy nodded, heading back inside.

"Can you call Jac too, tell her I think we'll be needing her expertise?" Bernie called after him, seeing him nod as he disappeared into the lift, before turning her attention back to Alex. Ric said nothing as he watched Bernie gently take hold of Alex's hand, "you're okay now" she whispered, dropping her head, gently brushing her lips against Alex's bruised and bloodied knuckles, "you're okay, I've got you."

It felt like weeks passed before Bernie flopped exhaustedly into the chair beside Alex's bed in ITU, her shift had ended hours ago but Alex had only just made it out of surgery and Bernie hadn't wanted to leave. She wasn't sure the hospital would have agreed to do such extensive surgery on one person in any other situation. Almost every surgical department in the hospital had been involved, and, although they said they were just doing their jobs, Bernie could never thank Ric, Jac and the younger doctors on Kellar and Darwin enough. As soon as she was sure Alex was stable she'd be putting a hefty sum behind the bar as a thank you to her colleagues, buying Jac a bottle of something nice as the cardio consultant never ventured into the bar after work.

"You gave me quite the fright" Bernie whispered as she sat by Alex's bedside, pale fingers held gently in her own, "I, I know you're not out of the woods by a long stretch but we've done the best we can, it's up to you now, but I know how strong you are Alex, you can pull through this, I know you can." Bernie kissed Alex's knuckles again, a little voice in her mind reminding her that their efforts could all have been for nothing. Alex had a large amount of swelling and what Guy had described as a 'moderate' bleed on her brain, Bernie was all too aware that even if Alex made it through the recovery period, there was a large possibility that she'd suffered a life changing brain injury, that Alex would never be the woman Bernie once knew.

Bernie felt her eyes filling with tears as she failed to stop memories from earlier that day flooding her mind, Alex losing output whilst Jac was trying to repair one of several tears in the veins and arteries leading to her heart. Bernie had literally watched Alex's heart stop and, before Jac could even ask her to she'd reached inside Alex's chest to begin the rhythmic squeezing of her heart that would continue to pump blood around her body until it began beating of it's own accord.

"I think we've done all we can" Ric's voice echoed in her head, "this is the third time she's lost output and…"

Jac looked up at Bernie, the older woman's hands holding the heart of the woman she was so obviously fond of, gently massaging it, encouraging it to beat again. Bernie's eyes met Jac's and Jac saw the fear, the desperation staring back at her, and that was when she'd made up her mind, "right now she's my patient, that means she's only dies when I call it, and I'm not calling it until I'm certain I've done all I can." Jac said firmly, Bernie nodding in thanks as Jac gave instructions as to what she wanted next.

It was at that moment Bernie realised she loved Alex, as she stood in theatre, Alex's heart in her hands she had to fight back tears as her feelings hit her like a tonne of bricks, she loved Alex. She loved her more than she'd ever loved Marcus, she needed to save her, she needed Alex to pull through this so she could tell her, so she could say those three words she should have said so many times already.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex had spent almost 15 hours in theatre as various teams worked on piecing her back together and Bernie had to admit as she leaned back into the cool plastic of the chair, she was glad the army had agreed to bring Alex to Holby, there was no way Bernie would have been able to save Alex with the limited facilities at the army hospital in Kabul. She'd never been so grateful for the NHS and her colleagues at Holby, especially Jac Naylor who'd not only stayed beyond the end of her shift so she would be the cardio surgeon that worked on Alex, but she'd stayed in the theatre with Bernie, only leaving, presumably to get a few hours sleep before her next shift, once Alex was being closed up.

Bernie sat beside Alex for a while, stroking the back of her hand with her thumb, talking softly to Alex about the future, about how she was going to leave Marcus, how she'd do anything for the other woman, she'd give up her job and care for her full time if she had to but she couldn't ignore her feelings any longer, she'd almost lost Alex, if she pulled through this Bernie wasn't going to let her go again.

It didn't take long for the adrenaline from the day to wear off and Bernie suddenly found herself exhausted, a quick glance at the clock telling her it was almost 4am. She briefly considered heading to the on call room, but quickly dismissed the idea, reluctant to leave Alex and vaguely remembering Ric mumbling something about heading there himself. She kissed Alex's knuckles a final time before making herself as comfortable as she could in the chair and closing her eyes.

She was startled awake a few hours later by the sound of someone taking Alex's notes from the holder at the bottom of the bed and it took a moment for her to wake enough to see Jac Naylor glancing over Alex's obs that had been recorded frequently through the night, "did I wake you?" Jac asked when she saw Bernie stir.

"No, you're alright" Bernie forced a smile before yawning as she stretched her limbs, her back aching from the awkward position she'd curled into in her sleep, only noticing someone had covered her with a blanket as it fell to the floor, "what time is it?"

Jac glanced at the clock on the wall, "almost 7, I thought I'd come and see how she was doing before I started my shift."

"I never got a chance to thank you" Bernie said as she sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, "for everything you did yesterday."

Jac shrugged nonchalantly, "I was just doing my…"

"No" Bernie interrupted, "you weren't, you could have left at the end of your shift and let the on call consultant take over, you could, probably should have agreed with Ric when she lost output…"

"Look" Jac put down Alex's notes and slipped off her glasses, "I don't go in for all the hospital gossip, and I don't particularly care about the ins and outs of your relationship with Alex but it's obvious that you care a lot about her, if, or when she wakes up, well, not many people would get another chance like that. Make sure you don't waste it".

"I don't intend to" Bernie said honestly, "I let her go once, if I get her back then I'm not going to do it again."

Jac nodded, quickly slipping back into 'doctor' mode, "she's doing well, her obs are improving and she hasn't lost output since she was in theatre. I'll come down and check on her again later."

Bernie nodded and smiled, "thank you." She spent almost half an hour with Alex before telling her she had to go to work, promising she'd be back later before kissing her forehead and gently squeezing her hand before leaving the ward, the staff already knowing to page her if there was any change in Alex's condition.

The next few weeks passed in much the same way for Bernie, leaving the hospital only occasionally to pick up some new clothes or to grab a shower or something to eat. More often than not she went straight from her shift on Kellar to sit by Alex's bedside. She spent a tense few days calling ITU every chance she could, when Alex got an infection that didn't seem to respond to antibiotics just a week after her arrival in Holby. She should have known though, Alex was strong, a fighter, and soon the infection was just another item on the list of things Alex had survived.

Today was the day Bernie had been dreading. The team in ITU had slowly been reducing the amount of support Alex was receiving from the ventilator, she'd responded well and today was the day the would try and extubate completely, the day they'd find out if Alex was capable of breathing for herself. Today could also be the day Alex came round, the day they found out just how damaging her head injury had been, however they all knew there was a chance Alex may remain unconscious, even once she was no longer sedated and ventilated.

Unfortunately Bernie found herself stuck in theatre at the time when she most longed to be by Alex's side. Little did she know that Jac had called down to Kellar before making her own way to ITU when she was told Bernie was in theatre.

She watched as the tube was removed from Alex's throat once the staff were certain she no longer needed the support it provided, and made a mental note of Alex's obs, knowing Bernie would ask. A small smile graced Jac's lips as she heard a quiet groan slip from Alex's lips, her eyelids fluttering for a moment before she finally found the energy to open them and Jac took this as her cue to step forwards, "Alex, can you hear me?" It took Alex a moment to focus her eyes on the woman stood by her bedside but when she did she grunted slightly, unable to form the words she needed.

"You're in Holby City hospital…" she didn't get chance to explain what had happened before Alex interrupted her.

"Bern?" Alex mumbled groggily, her voice hoarse, throat sore from being intubated for so long.

Jac smiled and nodded, pleased that Alex had made the connection between Holby and Bernie. She surprised the other medics as she delicately took hold of Alex's hand the way Bernie had at every opportunity, "I'm Jac Naylor" she introduced herself, "cardiothoracic consultant, I'm afraid Bernie's been caught up in theatre but she asked me to come and make sure you were okay and to tell you she'll be here as soon as she can be." It was a lie, Bernie hadn't asked Jac to be there but if a little white lie gave Alex the comfort she needed right now then Jac wouldn't deny her that.

Alex nodded slightly before weakly squeezing Jac's hand, "tell, tell her I, I lo...love her" the small sentence took far more effort than Alex thought it should but Jac was patient, waiting for her to finish before she spoke.

"You get some rest" she said softly, "you know you'll still be feeling the effects of the sedation for a while, you get some sleep, and the next time you wake up Bernie will be here and you'll be able to tell her for yourself.

Alex lightly squeezed Jac's hand again, not having the energy or the strength to do more than barely flutter her fingers against the other woman's palm, 'th, tha-nk you."

"It's not a problem" Jac carefully placed Alex's hand on the bed and straightened the covers around her, "you rest, I'll send Bernie down as soon as she's finished in theatre and I'll come back to check on you later.

Alex's head moved in what Jac assumed to be a nod, her eyes already closed as she drifted back off to sleep, aided by the sedation that was still working it's way out of her body.

Jac was waiting for Bernie when she came out of theatre, "Jac, I'm sorry, I can't stop, I need to…"

"Sit down" Jac said firmly, leading Bernie over to a row of seats in the corridor, "I was there when they took Alex off the ventilator."

"You were…" Bernie looked at Jac, "did she...is she okay?"

Jac smiled and nodded, "they extubated and she came round more or less straight away."

"Oh thank God" Bernie felt her eyes fill with tears of relief, "is she okay?"

"She seemed a little bit groggy but you know as well as I do that that's normal in someone who's been sedated for as long as Alex, she wasn't awake long but as soon as I told her she was at Holby she asked for you."

"She…"

"She asked me to tell you that she loved you" Jac admitted.

"She… what did you say?"

"I told her you were in theatre but you'd go down as soon as you could. I told her to get some rest so she could tell you herself when she next woke up."

"Thank you Jac" Bernie said sincerely, "for everything."

"It's fine" Jac said, standing and looking at Bernie, "what are you waiting for? Get yourself down to ITU and tell Alex that you love her too."

"Yes" Bernie nodded as she too stood up, "yes, I think I'm going to do just that."


End file.
